Life seems to be as constant as a calandar

Throughout my days I seem to make 3 constant mistakes and things seem to happen as true as the past.

1. Girls lie... people lie.. but mostly girls. No matter how true or different they seem.

2. I ruin something when something's good.

3. I regret my "ruined something" almost immediately and refuse to let it go.

Ipod's burnt out by Brasstronaut

Plagiarism.. it's sorta good sometimes

In a kingdom by the sea,
That a maiden there lived whom you may know
By the name of Annabel Lee;
And this maiden she lived with no other thought
Than to love and be loved by me.

I was a child and she was a child,
In that princedom by the sea.
But we loved with a love that was
more than just love,
With a love even the seraphs up in heaven covet.

And that was the reason that long ago,
In that princedom asleep by the sea,
That a wind shut her body in a sepulcher,
Buried in the sea,
That bore my sweet darling away from me.

Oh, the angels they envied us—envied our love.
Yes, that was the reason the wind came out,
Stirred the air and made the waves shake madly,
Killing my Annabel Lee. Oh my Annabel Lee.

Our love it was strong. So strong
That neither the angels up in heaven
Nor the demons in the sea,
Can ever dissever my soul from the
Soul of my Annabel Lee.

Poppin: La Dispute- Three

The silence you make when you want to make noise

You can' t lose everything if you don't have anything!

What a bitter sweet perfect statement. My life is dealing with some rather BIG upcoming changes.. and I don't really know how to embrace them.

It comes back too the question.. what do you do if the person you think is your one doesn't really care.. if you give up?? Do you push and push because in your heart you realize they are in fact your one? OR do you just let shit free and have them come back to you? There's the obvious old statement " if you love it let it free and if it loves you, it'll come back" But how true is that really?? We all know that love fades and we also all know that given the right time.. the right setting and the right amount of booze.. anyone and I mean ANYONE can connect with any one other person.. yeah that might not have longevity but.. that's enough in my eyes to show that it wasn't TRUE LOVE.. and if it's not true love.. well then what the fuck were you doin in the first place other than being animals???

People make mistakes.. lord knows I've made my share.. and I live by the fact it' s not that you make a mistake.. it' s how you come back from it! Well... what if the person you think is your one.. doesn't come back from it? Was she truly your one? Was she just blind and you didn't do enough to make her realize? Or is it all just random and you hope to snag someone who can deal with you for the rest of your life?

I come to the same conclusion and please.. correct me if I'm wrong.. but love is love.. and if it's true.. won't that come out eventually?? But how long do you wait before you just give up? And if it was true love.. would you have given up in the first place? Which isn't really a conclusion anyway.. it's just another question!

So what it comes down to really.. is that love is just another un-answered question.. like "where do we go when we die?" and "why did John Bonham die so early?" No one knows.. but the one thing I do know.. that if you have that feeling.. make sure the other person knows it.. life's to fucking short.. it might not last.. but why the fuck wouldn't you embrace such a feeling when it's around? If you love someone.. don't lose them.. because who knows.. you could stumble into a fumigated house and fall asleep at any given time (don't act like you haven't wondered).


Loves love.. hopefully it lasts but there's a good chance it won't.. and if it doesn't.. how do you move on other than to stay up till 6:14 in the morning drinking living in misery and realizing that you just let the one slip away? You don't.. you repeat said steps until life ends.

You can't lose everything if you don't have anything.

Howlin' too every single thing La Dipsute's made

Love, love, love, love?

Ahh love.. it's a mother fucker eh??

What is love?? Is it a song? Is it the feeling you get from the song? Is it a person? Is it a hobby? Is it an addiction? Who knows what love.. really is??

Maybe there are different forms of love.. but then how do you judge which you love more? And you're obviously gonna love things differently.. so does that mean you love it more or less than other loves??

What if love's just an appreciation that you see in something/someone/some action? Does that mean everything significant in your life means you loved it?? Love should mean MUCH more than that.

Maybe the word LIKE has been pushed into something that it doesn't mean.. and love has been pushed to boundaries it shouldn't have been?

Love in my opinion should be saved for times when you say love because you cannot contain it.. because that's all that flows from your lips when you speak of it. Not because it's a "go-to" word! Use the word LIKE for times like that. Like means you enjoy it. Love means you LOVE it. Bottom line.. if you love it.. you KNOW you love it.. you don't question.. you don't use it as a filler in looking for a better word to fill your lack of a better fucking word.

Now obviously there are different layers of love.. I love cooking shows.. but do I love them the same as I love my nephew?? No way! But does it mean I love it less?? Fuck I don't know!!!!

Only word of advice is.. if you find something/someone/some action that you actually love... don't lose it! Embrace it with everything.. because.. well it's obvious.. that's why we fucking live right?? To find things we love.

Jamming: Nothing in the back-round but Chopped. But I have From a Second Story Window in my head.. does that count?

I get older and they stay the same age....

Or at least I wish it was that way.. it seems more like I stay the same age and everyone around me get's older.

I realize im only 23, but im in no way shape or form where I thought i'd be at this age. My friends and family around me are getting older, gettin hitched, having kids and buying houses (in that order) And some might say.. im young at heart.. but I really don't think that's what it is. I'd like to believe it's a combo between still wanting to have pure un-touched fun and the fear of realizing that pure un-touched fun is slowly coming to a hault.

When I was growing up I was under the impression that it went from: school to work to wife to kids to retiring to death. And you'd just know when and what to do with these things when ya got there. Like I turn 18 and CLICK light goes on and I know how to do it. But sadly.. the click didn't ever really go off and I just started shooting from the hip on what to do. And here it is.. 5 years later and it still feels like im aiming with both eyes closed.

Here soon, big changes need to be made.. maybe something drastic.. maybe something as sublte as giving up swearing. Who knows? All I know is I don't know if I need to "grow up" per say but I do know that I need to get to the point where I can provide and be ready for whatever future lie in front of me. OR I can just move into my dads and work a part time job that pays just enough to pay for internet so I can beat off with tear lube. Either way im sure i'll still impress the ladies.


Currently bumpin': Frank Turner- Photosynthesis

The happy days... and the not so happy days

In a galaxy filled with multi-colored uppers, downers, screamers and laughers.. lies a percentage (depending on who you're arguing with on how big or small that percentage is) it's a percentage none the less. Of people who actually need and use pills to their regular dosage and purpose. The other LARGE percent abuse and have or will eventually become dependent on their choice of poison.

In a rather small populated area I still could place a wager on that I couldn't throw a rock without hitting someone who's becoming increasingly dependent on pills. Since when did regular stress from a regular day classify as depressed?? Since when did having a headache justify the use of Vicodin?? I don't think any of our ancestors utilized these things to get through the day.

I guess my curiousity for this topic finally fell in my lap when a friend of mine.. whom i've known for sometime.. revealed to me that he's now on anti-depressants because school's stressing him out. Now im obviously not a doctor.. so I couldn't diagnose him either way.. what I do know is that sounds like a pretty lousy excuse for depressed. I obviously understand the fact that peoples chemistery is different and what could effect others heavily could roll off another persons shoulder. But 70 years ago.. if someone was stressed.. they got through it. I think with it being so accessible people find themselves looking for a reason to take it. I mean why not??? Happiness in a bottle.. who isn't intrigued?? But the sad reality is all they are doing is dumbing down your senses.. making you less aware of your surroundings. Call it a "crack-pot theory" if you will.. but we all know America and any other country don't ever really make anything strictly for the benefit of YOU.. there's always an under-lining where they are gaining profit and or making something off of you.

So let's talk the other side for a moment.

I don't mean to bad talk medicine or people who take it for justifiable reasons. Medicine is obviously there for a reason and most times i'd like to assume for a good reason. Certain people do need things to lift them up and get them through the day.. certain people have pain that's crippling them and without pain killers wouldn't be able to function I GET THAT. I understand that.. im not heartless... I just always like to pose the question.. "Where would you be if they didn't have that technology???"

I always have to revert back to the past. I mean there have always been means to cope with problems.. some being healthy (working out) some being unhealthy (booze, drugs). But the fact comes down to it.. as a population.. we're getting weaker, dumber and more medicated. God who knows in 40 years we could all be bubble boys (girls) because we've weakened our immune systems to the point where living outside of a sterile enviorment would kill us.

In short: We're becoming a nation of pussies and push-overs. If you NEED a pill take it.. but if you're taking it to cope or because you THINK you need it.. take a second before you pop it and ask yourself "Where would I be without this?"

Jammin: Bear vs. Shark

It's when I seen the evil that people do.. that's when I learned to sing the blues

Does anyone remember their first scary movie?? I do.. and although regarded as a joke of a film Candyman ruined/created my adolescence. I don't think I went to the bathroom the same till I was old enough to find out Santa's bitchass was a fake.

7 years old is a bit young for a scary movie.. but tell my old man that.

I don't hold any remorse or weird anger to watching that movie so young, so don't get that idea (you critical son of a bitch). I'm actually grateful. Seeing such macabre things at that young age (although it ruled the world of my nightmares) was eye opening. I still remember realizing death at that age and asking my parents "So when you die you don't come back?" and just digesting that answer of.. "nope".

I think it sent a tidal wave of weird things my way.. and im almost positive it played/plays a pivotal part in my life now. I coulda been a goth for christsakes.. then where would I be??? Burning down a church and rockin Cradle of Filth albums.. thats where!!!

Let's just thank whoever ya think controls your destiny that when I was 12 I decided to go with a Slipknot album instead of an ICP album. So for that I thank you Candyman.. way to stop me from becoming an early on Juggalo!!!

Moral of the story.. fuck your kids up young and they wont paint their faces.. oh wait didn't Slipknot dress in uniforms and wear masks?? (cough cough)

Moral of the story.. be a good parent and listen to your kid(s)

Bustin ear buds too: Lewd Acts